this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
