morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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