There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
