Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
