I just made out with a guy for $7.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
