yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
