I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
