The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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