At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
