Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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