Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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