I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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