Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
