i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
