it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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