Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
