i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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