Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
