I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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