How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
