i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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