i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
