I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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