the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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