All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
