You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
