he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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