i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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