I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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