fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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