Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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