and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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