I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
