All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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