So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
