I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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