Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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