If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
