I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
wanna go halves on a baby?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
