I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
