I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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