Little spoons don't ask big questions
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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