What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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