three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
