Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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