Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
