I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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