The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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