How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
