I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
