I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want her autograph on my taint
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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