I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
