coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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