I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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