I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize