You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
