My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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