shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
