The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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