waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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