So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize