Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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