Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
