There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
