Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
