nut hugger
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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