Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
