Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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