I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
