I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
