why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
