my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im holly from the hills drunk
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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