yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
