omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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