3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just forgot I was standing up.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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