**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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