Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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