What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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