Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
