like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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