Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
