if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
