When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think i have herpe
just one?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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