I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
