When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
