was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
