I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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