Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
