checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
