you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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