yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
