So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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