And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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