And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
