next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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