**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
