does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
