her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
