my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
