she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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