My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize