I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're like the curious george of whores
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
