Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize