Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
